It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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