I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
