I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
