On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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