i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
