it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
