Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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