we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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