My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
