Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
