I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
