sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
