it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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