Can i not drive my cunt home
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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