I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
