And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
ok first of all what the fuck
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
