Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
