I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I want a musical about memes.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
