bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
