she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
