eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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