My brain says no but my pants say off.
it hurts more in the daytime
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Randomize
