my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
