I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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