So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
