my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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