you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize