i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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