when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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