Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
