Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
