from now on my penis is your penis
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
