OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
