and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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