the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
