Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
