His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize