My liver just broke up with me...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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