cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
