70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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