smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Randomize
