Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
