It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
