happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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