if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize