SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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