you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
