So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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