I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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