hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
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