And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize