literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
