Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
