North Korea, Best Korea!
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We left the knife in your bed.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
