i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
