this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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