dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
