he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize