How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize