Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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