when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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