You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
