Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
