I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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