If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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