please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
