Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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