You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
