she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
