I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
