He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize