Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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