R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
