I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she peed on how many people?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
