I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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