I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
