I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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