well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
