At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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