I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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